


smirk, smile, grin, sigh

by 21hax



Category: In the Flesh (TV)
Genre: Character Study, Drinking, M/M, Smoking, Smooching
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-18
Updated: 2014-07-18
Packaged: 2018-02-09 10:49:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,479
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1980006
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/21hax/pseuds/21hax
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Kieren and Rick drink a bottle of White Lightning, smoke a few fags, mess around and then Rick says "see you later".</p>
            </blockquote>





	smirk, smile, grin, sigh

**Author's Note:**

> This is my take on the moment Kieren talks about in s1e2, so this takes place before Kieren died, before Rick joined the army.

Wringing his hands together nervously, Kieren pauses outside the front door of Rick's house before finally bringing a curling fist up to knock. A silence stretches itself until thin after that, and Kieren knocks again and shortly after, the door opens to reveal Bill Macy.

"Oh, um, good evening, Mr Macy," Kieren forces out the polite greeting, always trying to keep their boat as unrocked as possible for Rick's sake, and generally failing. Bill grunts in response. "Is Rick in?"

Bill's eyes narrow slightly and he just stands there. Just as he looks like he's about to finally respond, Kieren sees movement behind him, and Rick comes out and grabs his coat behind Bill before easily slipping past him. "See you later, dad," he says with a smile, and Kieren steps aside and starts walking back down Rick's driveway as Rick says something else to Bill before closing the front door and catching up to Kieren.

They glance at each other and laugh. "I literally never know how to talk to him," Kieren says.

Rick smiles and then looks at the road ahead. "It don't matter, mate. It's not you, it's him."

Kieren looks at him as they walk, and when Rick glances at him again, they both grin at each other and look away again.

They keep walking, in a comfortable silence. They both know where they're going even though neither of them have said it. Once they get to their den and crawl inside, sitting in their usual spots across from where their names are etched into the stone, the familiar feeling of comfort settles over the both of them, and they feel like they can be themselves.

Rick lights a few of the candles with the lighter they leave there and Kieren watches until he finishes before speaking. "So. I've got some big news." He tries to hide his grin but can really only wrestle it down to a twisted smirk.

"What is it?" Rick looks at him, a smile spreading over his face as he figures it's good news.

Kieren tugs an envelope out of the pocket of his hoodie and hands it over. It's got the emblem of the art school he applied to stamped on it.

"Oh, Ren," Rick says with hushed excitement, quickly taking the letter out of the envelope and skimming the words written on it to confirm it — he'd gotten in. "That's...that's brilliant!"

They look at each other, beaming. "Ren...I'm so happy for you. You're amazing. Before you know it, people round the world'll be dying to get their hands on a real Kieren Walker painting."

Kieren laughs and looks down at his hands in his lap. "Yeah, right," he says, and shyly bumps Rick's shoulder with his own. "Like that's ever gonna happen."

Rick puts a hand on Kieren's knee to get him to look at him again. "I mean it. You're gonna go far."

Kieren huffs a small laugh out through his nose, before sort of flopping into Rick, wrapping his arms around him and burying his face in his chest. "Thanks, Rick," he mumbles into his shirt as Rick hugs him back and draws them tighter together.

They stay like that for a long time, tracing patterns into each other's backs and occasionally rocking back and forth a few times. Here with Rick like this, it's easy to forget about things like Bill's constant attempts to ban him from his house and son, or the sneers and taunts he gets any time he's faced with a frequenter of the Legion because he doesn't try to act macho like Rick. Or even the fact that Rick continues to go along with his dad and the others, instead of sticking up for Kieren or being completely truthful about himself, either. But Kieren knows it's complicated and it's not really his place to judge how Rick deals with his father. So he forgets it all when he spends time like this with Rick, because deep down underneath it all, they fit together perfectly like this.

"We should celebrate," Rick suddenly says, and Kieren pulls back slightly to look at him inquisitively.

"We should...let's..." Rick trails off and casts his eyes around as he thinks. "Okay," he says, and grabs Kieren's shoulders to shift them so they're more across from each other and looking at each other. "Let's both go back home, and you tell your folks you're spending the night at my place, I'll tell mine I'm spending it at yours, and then we meet back here, okay? Bring blankets and all that."

He smirks as he pulls himself up into as tall a standing position as he can manage in the low-ceilinged cave. "And I'll bring a surprise."

He starts to walk out of the cave and Kieren quickly extinguishes the candles before clambering after him. "A surprise?" he questions as the two of them can finally stand fully upright and walk side by side out of the cave and into the woods. Rick just looks at him with his little smirk and says nothing.

"How could you have a surprise for me?" Kieren nudges, burying his hands in his jacket pockets. "You can't've known!"

"Well, to be honest, s'more a surprise for us," he clarifies vaguely. "You'll see, won't you?"

"Suppose so," Kieren concedes with a small laugh. His face nearly hurts from smiling, but it does that a lot when Rick's around.

: :

Kieren gets back to their den before Rick. He brought a thick, dense blanket to pad the hard stone floor, and a large fluffier blanket to wrap himself up in. He brought a pillow that he props up against the wall and leans against. He sits contentedly alone in the silence. While they've spent nights at each other's houses, they've never spent one in the cave like this, but Kieren doesn't mind going along with it. It should be really uncomfortable lying there with only a thin layer between him and the stone floor but he barely notices it with his mind on thoughts of where tonight could lead.

When Rick gets there, he's just got a plastic bag from Save 'n' Shop with him. Kieren had just sort of assumed Rick would be bringing his own blankets and stuff, but Rick just settles in next to Kieren under his blanket. Kieren suddenly feels really close to him and a little intimate, with them sharing a single blanket and pillow. Rick looks at him, looking a little nervous and really happy, and Kieren knows he's thinking the same thing.

Rick flops his bag on top of the blanket and then lifts the bottom to dump out its contents. A packet of fags and a blue bottle of White Lightning cider drop into their laps. 

Kieren laughs. "Really?"

"Well, you haven't smoked since your punk phase," Rick says, and Kieren groans at the very memory of The Punk Phase, "and what kind of best mate would I be if I didn't get you properly pissed before you go running off to art school?"

Rick grabs the packet and opens it up, while Kieren grabs the bottle of cider. He cracks open the screw top and takes a long drink, as Rick lights up a cigarette with the lighter they use for the candles and takes a long drag. They both breathe out in satisfaction after, look at each other, then swap. Kieren takes the cigarette from him and looks down at the filter where Rick's mouth had been. Then he looks back up at Rick and they maintain eye contact as Rick takes a sip and Kieren takes a puff.

It burns his lungs, more than the White Lightning burned his throat, and when he gives a few small coughs, Rick laughs at him. "Been a while, hasn't it?"

"Guess so," Kieren says, and wants to cough some more but holds it back since he doesn't want to look weak in front of Rick. Instead, he takes another, longer drag and lets it fill his lungs deeply. He forces himself not to cough, and lets it out slowly in a thin, controlled stream. Rick's eyes go from Kieren's own to his mouth, and watches. Feeling more confident, Kieren holds the cigarette between forefinger and thumb, puts it to his mouth again, and sucks. Rick licks his lips, then looks away, and takes another sip of the cider. Kieren blows the smoke in Rick's face, and he laughs and waves it away.

"Gimme that, you tart," he says and snatches the cigarette back. Kieren grabs for the cider but Rick pulls it out of reach as he takes a drag, and Kieren ends up having to practically drape himself across Rick's lap to try to reach it. Rick laughs and finally gives it to him, and Kieren grabs it before smacking him in the chest. He scoots closer to Rick until the sides of their thighs are pressed together. Kieren takes another drink of the cider then screws the cap back on and holds it in his lap as he rests his head on Rick's shoulder.

Kieren's usually a happy, sleepy drunk, and while he isn't exactly drunk yet, he's already starting to feel the loosening of his joints and the heaviness in his limbs and head. He buries his face in Rick's shoulder and mumbles, "You smell really good."

Rick laughs disbelievingly and snakes his arm around Kieren's waist, and Kieren adjusts his head on his shoulder. They stay like that for a while until Kieren cranes his neck to look at Rick's face and sees the cigarette hanging from his lips. Without moving his head off his shoulder, Kieren takes it and moves it the rather short space between their lips to take another drag. Then he takes it away from his mouth between his first two fingers, and some of the ash drops down onto Kieren's blanket.

"Oh, shit," Kieren sits upright and quickly brushes the ash away. There's a cluster of pinprick burn holes left behind. "Shit," Kieren says again but it dissolves into a breathy laugh. Rick laughs too.

They spend a long time like this in their den, with Rick mostly smoking, and Kieren mostly drinking. By time they've gone through half the packet of fags with a little pile of stubbed out butts on the floor, and Kieren's draining the last of the White Lightning down his throat, they're more slouched against the wall, with the sides of their bodies pressed flush against each other. Kieren tosses the empty blue bottle further into the cave and they both chuckle at the sound of it bouncing off the floor. Kieren notices Rick's left hand, just lying there on top of the blanket. He reaches out with his right hand and, much more boldly than he would have sober but still shyly, he places his hand on top of Rick's. Rick looks at him but Kieren keeps his gaze on their hands. Rick slowly laces their fingers together, and they both give the other's hand a little squeeze.

"When I'm...when you go off to art school," Rick says suddenly, his voice hoarse. "I'm gonna miss you, Ren."

"I'm gonna miss you, too," Kieren says quietly. "But we can still see each other loads. You can come to the campus and I'll show you around. And I'll come back to visit Roarton all the time."

"Sure," Rick says, but he doesn't sound very convinced.

Eventually they lie down and settle in to go to sleep. Sharing a pillow feels much more intimate when they've just got their heads on it and Kieren turns his to face Rick. Rick tilts his towards Kieren but seems nervous about their proximity. He turns onto his side, and readjusts his head so he's facing Kieren now, but not quite as close. Kieren turns his body too.

They can barely see each other, their only light source the thin moonlight glowing from the mouth of the cave. But Kieren can make out the dark shadows of Rick's face and he reaches out to gently touch his face. Rick sighs and grabs Kieren's neck and pulls him in for a kiss. A jolt of nerves shoots through Kieren at the contact and he can't even react at first. Then Rick pulls away and Kieren slides his hand from Rick's cheek into the hair on the back of his head and draws him back in. They move their lips together slowly and clumsily but Kieren's heart swells with so much affection for this incredible man across from him that he can hardly breathe.

Rick moves his hand down to the small of Kieren's back, and Kieren's heart leaps into his throat again. Rick pulls his body closer until their chests are pressed together and they never stop kissing. It's lazy and sleepy and not even terribly sexy, when they both smell and taste like ash and booze. But Kieren loves it and it's perfect and he doesn't remember ever stopping, they just keep kissing until they've fallen asleep and they keep kissing in his soft, murky dreams.

: :

The next morning, Kieren wakes slowly, and opens his eyes to see Rick already sitting up, his back to Kieren as he looks out the mouth of the cave. Kieren reaches out to grab a handful of the back of Rick's shirt, and he jumps in surprise and glances back at him with a tight smile.

"We should get back," Rick says.

Kieren sits up and looks around. Ignoring the pain in his head, he picks up the discarded bottle of White Lightning and puts it in the plastic bag from the shop. He gathers up the old cigarette butts and does the same, as Rick grabs the packet of remaining fags and stuffs it in the pocket of his jacket.

Kieren shakes out his blankets, folds them up and places them on his pillow. He looks up at Rick, who's taken the plastic bag, before gathering his things up in his arms and walking out of the den with Rick. They walk through the woods together for as long as they can, Kieren even following Rick a little out of his way until their paths home well and truly split. They stop and look at each other, and Kieren swallows hard.

"Well...see you later, Ren," Rick says, and Kieren wonders whether they should kiss each other goodbye. He starts to take step forward, trying to pluck up the nerve to kiss him sober, but Rick claps a hand on his shoulder and gives it a squeeze, and Kieren's courage dissolves.

Rick turns and heads down the street to his house. Kieren watches after him for a moment, hiking up the blankets in his arms to get a better grip, then turns and walks in the opposite direction.


End file.
